Asthma, exams, anxiety and singing – not exactly a dream combination…
How health can affect singing; How singing can affect health:
A Personal Story
Most people in my life would probably describe me as very vocal: for the most part I know my own mind and am happy to speak to it, I am passionate about a great deal of things and would love to tell you all about it, I don’t like awkward silences and may find myself rambling just to fill the void. Being talkative is a quality I got from my father, I have always admired his skills of conversation, how he can talk so eloquently about his own interests and life whilst not drowning out the other person in a conversation and allowing them to also feel heard. It is a skill that he got from his mother, one that many in his family have, a characteristic of Irish charm perhaps.
Whilst I have always been awed by this talent, it is not something that he always appreciated fully about himself. As a small child he was coined ‘the little professor’ by his grandfather, something that hints to my dad’s intelligence and gift of the gab even at such a young age, but it is his belief that it was used in mocking or at least as a joke at his expense. I believe this is the common experience of ‘chatterboxes’ everywhere. To be mocked and silenced instead of listened to. I can think of countless occasions as a child when I felt small and unseen because those who I looked up to would rather call me names and write me off without actually listening to what I had to say.
I am not trying to call the adults in my life mean or paint them as bad role-models, we all know that sometimes children get stuck in a loop of waffling or asking ‘why?’ without much substance to their words. As a child I was asked to explain Frozen to my dad and proceeded to spend about an hour describing the entire plot (very Olaf of me) to a movie that I wasn’t even that into.
It is however the experience of chatty people to be told to stay silent. Growing up into a young woman, standing up for myself was treated in much the same way. When politely asking for clarification on an assignment, my (male) teacher told me that being stubborn would serve me well when I become a politician, I had been to some political events that this teacher had heard of but had already clearly stated that politics was not something I was going to pursue. But this of course was not meant as a compliment or encouragement to follow what he had decided was my dream, it was mocking. It was clearly a vitriolic attempt to silence me simply because I questioned what the correct advice was.
I of course did not let that teacher steam-roll me and will never stop standing up for myself and others, but as I have gotten older, I have felt the words ‘chatterbox’ and similar insults have a dampening affect on my comfort in self-expression. I find myself unable to ask for help, to have honest conversations about my mental health and I am incredibly cautious about who I allow to hear or see my geeky side. Very few of my friends and none of my family understood or even knew how bad my mental health was until this past year or two when disability and all that comes with that left me unable to stop crying every time I had to talk about it. Even the most oblivious person can’t help but notice someone who doom-spirals when talking about simple day to day life.
Music has always been my only way of fully and cathartically expressing my emotions and troubles. Some songs I can never release because they are just too obviously personal, or too clearly about a specific person or event. Singing has always been the only time when being vocal and loud was something I was complimented on. The only occasion when it was appropriate to project my voice to a whole group of people who would actually listen and appreciate the words that had come from my mouth. My ability to fill a hall and to sustain long notes was a point of pride
And then around November/December of 2022 I realised that I had started to struggle to breathe. Over the coming months I would experience a tightness in my chest, difficulty breathing deeply and coughing fits triggered by many things but particularly strong smells (someone’s bad breath once sent me into an attack). I was recording Run + Hide and then Search and See whilst living with undiagnosed asthma, songs that are not easy to sing when you can only take shallow breaths. I was also preparing for both my grade 8 singing (the highest grade) and A-level exams.
When I am extremely stressed I have a full body reaction. The first symptom is eye-twitching and then if it is really bad, I develop a constant tremor in my hands/ arms. This was the first time I experienced tremors so I of course did the classic endless google searches and started to panic that I was developing early onset Parkinsons (poor mental health as a cause was actually a relief by comparison). Anyone who has had a full blown panic attack can tell you that it comes with shortness of breath, shaking and potentially even numbness in the arms and legs. Pair everything that I was going through that year together and you can understand why I felt that I was essentially having a year-long panic attack.
I got diagnosed with asthma in May, started my A-levels the following week and had my singing exam about a week and a half later. So I had very little time in which to completely re-learn how to breathe and how to sing songs that challenged not only my talent and skills but for the first time, my breath-control. All whilst I was trying to ace my A-levels and secure a place at my dream university. Safe to say it was not a particularly enjoyable time in my life.
But I did well on my singing exam, not as well as I could have done if I hadn’t suddenly developed asthma and had to do my A-levels at the same time, but I was more than happy with my grade considering the circumstances. When it came to my school exams, something truly miraculous happened. The twitching and shaking that had plagued me for months did not rear their ugly head during any one of my exams (they would in the aftermath, but I was just relieved it wasn’t happening in the exam hall). And I finally had an inhaler that I could take into my exams, meaning that did not cause any extra worry on top of trying to recall what year the Stratocaster was designed.
At the time I couldn’t fathom why I was suddenly able to do exams and be able to fully focus. I got into the university and course I had dreamt of doing since I was 15 and couldn’t work out how I had managed it. It was actually my optician who explained it to me. She illuminated me on how music is soothing to the vagus nerve and that improved mental health is a by-product. What with recording Run+Hide, and Search and See as well as practising for my singing exam, music was a big focus of my life at that point. Even when I was studying I was listening to music as it made the work less boring – I found that listening to instrumental or Polish music allowed me to enjoy the music without being too distracted by lyrics (as I didn’t understand them.) By the time exam season came around I had been making, singing or listening to music almost every day for months. Result: no twitching or tremors!
By now most people understand that mental and physical health are intertwined, but who knew that music could be so instrumental to both!
“The power of music to integrate and cure … is quite fundamental. It is the profoundest non-chemical medication.” – Oliver Sacks
To say that music has saved my life many times over the years may sound dramatic, but I truly believe it. That isn’t to say that it’s a cure or that you should solely rely on any one thing or person to save your life. If you are struggling please reach out to a professional, a trusted friend or family member.
Mental health resources:
These are UK based services
- Your local GP
- NHS contact: 111
- NHS Website
- Emergency services: 99
- Mental Health apps
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/mind-body/mental-wellbeing/
Niamh Quinn Music 
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